First off.. I really expected you to reply, because really, I have been throwing those jabs at you, why? Because you never heard my side. I have always been the subject of vile, ridicule, torment. That is why I have no choice but to write a blog every 21st of April, because that is the only way I could write to you, because you know you will read this as a way of a gift.

Second. Why were you not giving me the chance to explain? Were you just plain deaf at my requests to talk to you? I have been suffering for Four years. Four years, I tell you, Right now, the laptop is now filled with tears running over my eyes remembering all the suffering, all the torment that you and your friends did to me. You were never objective. You were subjective in looking me, You never knew me inside out because you only knew a part of me. You have tried me against my will. and I thank you for having me this biggest mess in my life.

Third. thanks for complimenting me on my writing. But the barbs you did on my writing made the single biggest blow in my life as a writer and as a blogger. I mean, look,, Almost every single nimble anime radical in this country at least tries to read my blog via ZEN’s FB link. I am trying, as an independent and objective anime blogger and journalist, to write and explain everything to this audience. The Mass Audience. And by telling me that I have problems on my writing and having an impact on those who will follow me is like a big blow to my self worth as a writer. I may have posted many words on my blogs, but by telling me that I have problems about my writing style, surely, all my words and posts may have been nonsense from the very start.

But now, I will take those words you have written today and will make it as a form of a constructive criticism.

And Last.. True I was clingy. but I didn’t knew it when. I was young, in your words, immature. I don’t know what was right and what was wrong. I don’t actually know. And the reason I clinged to you because I don’t know who to trust. I trusted nobody, and turns out you were the only person I could trust, that’s why I wanted your companionship, and eventually, your love. Turns out it was the single biggest mistake that I ever did in my life. The the biggest mistake that will haunt me for four years.

Well, knowing your friends only made it worse, but they don’t know me, that’s why they have no right to hate me. Again, they should be at least objective in knowing about me, Prejudging me makes my loses my self-esteem, so please tell them to be objective and know me the full details of my life before they could make any comment.

But the words you have said to me had such a big deal for me. And by that, I will become civil to you as well. No more jabs, no more barbs. Let us just support each other. For the friendship thing. I could understand. We won’t post anything against each other, and this will be the last time i’m going to speak in public about this.

Thanks so much, Carlo, for understanding me, and for your apology, I have already accepted it, come what may, any apology from you, I surely accept, I hope my apology for you and your patch of happiness be accepted too., as a way of being civil.

Again, Carlo, thanks for all the words. It galvanized me so much.

Hello Red.

Four years, huh? Still the victim, hopelessly wanting me back. Aren’t you tired of it all? I am. You hang over my head like a bad cloud. The worst mistake I ever made was attempting to get you to lessen your need for anime in your life and try to get you to be a lot less clingy. ‘Cause you clung to me – and I disliked it, but I didn’t say anything. Not until you decided you wanted to follow me and my date INTO the cinema. How could you not SEE that it was a date and that you had no place in it?

Then you started wanting to know where I was all the time, wanting to meet my friends, who I didn’t want you to meet to spare you from being hated on by another set of people. In hindsight, I may have said a lot of things that weren’t appropriate, and we traded blows over it. Nic’s right. I called out your writing style because your construction has problems in areas. People don’t complain because they aren’t writers like you and I. And if you wanted to talk, you could’ve sent me a message. You think that after four years I still hate you? No, not really. What you did the past few years… That annoys me. You as a person… Didn’t you get that the reason I befriended you was because I saw a much younger (and shorter) version of myself in you?

You aren’t a teenager anymore – neither am I. And you should really know by now that I’m not the person for you. Whoever he or she is, they’re out there. But I’ve found my little patch of happiness. I can only hope that you try and do the same. I’ve thought it over a thousand times… I really am sorry for being a jerk three years ago. But I don’t think we can be friends, at least, not the same way we used to be. I’ll be civil from here on out, and I expect the same of you, but becoming friends again is something I don’t think I can do right now.

Carlo